English & Other 274. Our Goodman
CONTENTS:
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The universal songster, Volume 3; 1823
CHRISTMAS NUPTIALS; OR, MATRIMONIAL DISCIPLINE*
Air in the Gentle Shepherd.—Arnold. (With recitations, originally added by E. J. B. Box.)
TWAS on Christmas-day
Father he did wed,
Three months after that
My mother was brought to bed
Father he came home,
His head with liquor stored,
And found, in mother's room,
A silver-hilted sword.
Spoken.] That was a pointed thing, you know ; a pricking spur to the sides of suspicion; and, although he was a patient man as any of his clan, his patience was agitated as on that point he cogitated ; and very naturally too ; for what could he do? the sight of that was quite enough to put any patient man's patience into a very violent-distressingly hurricaneous sort of a
Fiddle de diddle de dum,
Te dum ti deedle dee!
Tiddle de riddle de rum,
Be-rump ti reedle ree!
How came this »word here?
Mother says, says she,
"Lovee, 'tis a poker
Auntee sent to me."
Father he stamped and stared;
Twas the first, I ween,
Silver-hilted poker
He had ever seen.
Spoken.] Now, that being the case, and seeing it in that place, before his face, he was puzzled to trace any thing but disgrace in such a tool; for he was'no fool, and 'twas always his rule, when he couldn't be cool, to stir up the fire of his rage till it burst out in a blaze of
Fiddle de diddle de dum, &etc.
Father grumbled on;
But, getting into bed,
As the luck fell out, what's that?"
A man popped up his head !—[Eh?
" That's my milk-maid," says she.
Says dad, " I never heard,
In all my travels yet,
A milk-maid wore a beard!"'
SPOKEN.] Nor do I suppose he ever had; for, though he was my dad, he was a clever old lad ; a man of bright parts and shining qualities, and a very great philosopher too, for he was the first who had skill and science enough in mathematics to find out and establish decisively the real right angle of the genuine geometrical
Fiddle de diddle de dum, &c.
Father found a whip,
And very glad was he.
" How came this whip here,
Without the leave of me ?"—[ That whip!]
Oh! that's my nice stay-lace,
My auntee sent to me.
Then father laced her stays,
And out of doors went she.
Spoken.] That settled all, and brought every thing to the point; she was a good sort of woman, though she was my mother; she knew it was his duty to love, honour, and obey; so the devil a word did she say, but hopped away, as frisky and gay and full of play, as if it had been day, in the month of May, singing
Fiddle de diddle de dum, &c.
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Mess Songs and Rhymes of the RAAF 1939-1945 this being the 1961 reprint (possibly by Donald Laycock).
LAST SATURDAY NIGHT
When I went home last Saturday night my darling wife to see,
I saw a hat upon the rack where my hat ought to be,
So I said to my wifey, ! 0h Wifey, tell to me,
"Whose is that hat upon the rack, where my hat ought to be?n
"Oh you're blind and drunk, you silly old cunt,
"You're blind and cannot see,
"For that is but the piss-pot that you gave unto me."
Now ten thousand miles I've travelled,
Ten thousand miles or more,
But I've never seen a piss-pot with a hat band on before*
When I went home last Saturday night my darling wife to see,
I saw a thing inside her thing where my thing ought to be,
So I said untd Tifey, "Explain this unto me,
"What is that thing inside your thing where my thing ought to be?"
"Oh you're blind and drunk, you silly old cunt,
"Youfre blind and cannot see,
For that is but the rolling pin that you gave unto me#"
Now ten thousand miles I've travelled
Ten thousand miles or more,
But I never saw a rolling pin with balls on it before o
'Then I went home last Saturday night my darling wife to see,
I saw a face beside her face where my face ought to be,
So I said to my wifey, "Explain this unto me-,
"'Whose face is th&t beside "your face where my face ought to be?"
"Oh you're blind and drunk, you silly old cunt,
"You're blind and cannot see,
"For that is but the baby's bum that you gave unto me."
Now ten thousand miles I've travelled,
Ten thousand miles or more,
But I never saw a baby's bum with whiskers on before.